Our life this week

We picked up fill dirt for the new planter he built me!!

Robert spend a few hours with grandma and grandpa while we got the dirt and then went out to an early birthday lunch for me.

Sadly the food was not awesome.

Fish and chips with terrible batter, i just ate the fish out of it
And onion rings with the same terrible batter and way too much of it.

Our Easter wasn’t quite what we planned. All 3 of Robert’s cousins were sick so we skipped family easter. So instead we went out to lunch and hit Wilco to pick up some plants.

Robert tried out the new wagon his grandma got him so he can hang with us in the backyard while we do yard/farm work

On my actual birthday Robert and I just hung out while daddy worked. Daddy did get off work about 2 hours early though to hang with us. We went for a family walk and ordered takeout from the mexican restaurant on the corner. I got birthday snuggles from my original baby, snuggles from her like this are rare and totally non-existent since we brought the baby home.

Maybe she is finally forgiving me for bringing home a baby hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

Robert has been dealing with an unknown allergy. He has bad eczema and little red bumps all over his body. Poor little guy. Hes handling it like a champ though. We had a consultation yesterday with an allergist and will be going back on Monday for an infant allergy test. The assumption is that its a food allergy, so once we find out what it is ill be cutting something out of my diet.

Overall it was a good week!!! Robert has been a bit fussier and sleepier but he is doing really well considering the circumstances. Also, he has started turning around completely in his bassinet at night…..not rolling over but like slowly all night wiggling his way around the bassinet. We put him in with his head facing one way and wake up with it facing the other so i think its time to start transitioning him to his crib.

Post Partum depression and Anxiety

I have dealt with depression before but never really had anxiety. Very quickly after getting home a debilitating anxiety set in. Robert and I were both having difficulties with breastfeeding. I had no idea what I was doing and didn’t listen to my intuition. My poor baby’s tummy was rumbling all the time and I didn’t know what to do and didn’t know that I wasn’t getting him enough food. I have no idea whose brilliant idea it was to not have a mothers milk come in for 3-5+ days after birth. We came home from the hospital on a Friday and thankfully we had an appt at the hospital on Sunday to check on him. Thankfully Similac formula had sent us some samples of premade formula so we gave him an ounce at one point.

When we got to the hospital they weighed him and he had lost almost an entire pound since birth. I could not stop myself from crying in that appointment thinking I had been starving my sweet baby boy. They said it was ok and he was fine but that we were going to start a 3 step program where ever 3 hours on the dot I try and feed him from each boob for at least 10 min, then pump for 20 min and feed him formula and anything colostrum that would come out when I pumped. Thankfully pretty quickly he started gaining weight again and my milk came in. We did supplement for awhile with formula and I am ok with that.

The anxiety though meant that even though my mom was here to help I barely slept, afraid that my baby would need me and I wouldn’t be there. Even though he was gaining weight we were having serious breastfeeding issues and he would just scream because he wasn’t getting anything and i was having trouble getting him to latch and I would just cry and cry. I went to a breast feeding support group at the hospital and that made all the difference in the breast feeding area. By his 2 week appt we were able to start dialing back the 3 step program because he was gaining weight well.

But overall at this point the anxiety was so bad I could barely eat and sleep. I was taking melatonin to try and get myself to nap which of course just made me more tired when I had to get up and stay up in the middle of the night. I was sick to my stomach and lost almost all of my pregnancy weight in those first 2 weeks, and no I was not trying to lose weight. After the baby’s 2 week appointment I went to my Dr. and asked for help, I knew I was in an unhealthy place and honestly I was hating motherhood. I loved my baby and thankfully the depression and anxiety didn’t manifest in a way that made me wand to hurt myself or my baby but I honestly regretted having a baby at that point.

My Dr. and I talked and decided medication would be a good option for me. I started it that night. The pharmacist warned me that the first week was going to be rough and he was right. The meds made me sick. There was one morning I was breastfeeding, sick to my stomach but forcing a banana down to get some calories in me and then I puked it up while feeding the baby.

Holding the puke filled burp rag while baby sleeps

After a few weeks the meds fully started to kick in and I was able to eat and sleep (when allowed by the baby hahahaha) and things started to get so much better. I bought a newborn sleep program and learned about babies habits and things really started to turn around. My mom stayed until I was 5 weeks post partum and was doing a lot better.

I am now 14 weeks post partum and we are doing so much better. Most nights the baby sleeps from 8:30pm-7am with one feeding around 10:30 to top him off for the night. Not every night, things do happen but, overall the sleep is great. I have a pretty good routine with him during the day and overall we are good.

I am definitely not perfect though, there are still days and times that I get frustrated or am tired but overall I am loving being a mom. When he smiles at me it is the most amazing thing ever and I am so excited to watch him grow up and see the little man he is going to be.

Week in the life update

This weekend I worked my first 2 shifts since giving birth. My husband and I decided I would not go back to work full time right now. Daycare would cost more than I made however, with the job that I had I have the option to pick up a shift here and there when they need the coverage. So, this weekend I worked for the first time since I left for maternity leave. It was actually really nice! It was nice to get a little break from parenting and be able to interact with adults. Also, I think it was nice for my husband to get to spend so much uninterrupted time with his son. The only downside was pumping at work. I had to pump at every break which means no going out for a walk or going to get lunch. I had to make sure I had everything I needed. But overall it was nice and I will enjoy picking up a shift here and there……and of course the money doesn’t hurt.

Monday went pretty well. I got a workout in and my buddy joined me outside for some quick planting of leek starts. I still have a few more to do cause he started getting fussy.

Made some delicious sheet pan chicken. I love sheet pan meals, so simple and easy. Chicken, brussel sprouts, shallots, garlic and potatoes with maple syrup, rosemary, salt, pepper and butter.

Tuesday I did my Barre Blend workout and got a shower in! Winning!!

I got carrot seeds planted while the baby napped and made another sheet pan dinner. Chicken marinated overnight in wine and pesto sauce with shallots, potatoes and green beans.

The baby has had a pretty bad rash on his cheeks and shoulders for a few weeks and nothing I was doing was helping so we went to the Dr on Thursday and he said he thinks its severe eczema. We are doing over the counter hydrocortisone cream once a day and baby eucerin for eczema during the day and this mommy is going to try and eliminate as much dairy and gluten from her diet as possible to see if that helps. I guess eczema is usually a reaction to an allergy.

We’ve had a few really nice days so I have put the chickens out in their run three times this week to start getting them used to the outside world slowly.

Overall it was a good week. Baby Robert was a little more tired and cuddly yesterday so I didn’t get much done but the rest of the week was pretty productive.